Finals Week!

Finals week is boss. I will now list some reasons for why I am happy to be done with this semester.
1.I will be able to burn all my pointless handouts from EDMT and forget everything I ever learned. To those of you who haven’t taken this computer class run by an evil taskmaster, who enjoys humiliating and belittling her students, feel very thankful.
2.I will never have to play the recorder again or listen to my teacher (who I am certain takes uppers) laugh at her own lame jokes about the staff and eigth notes.
3.I will finally be able to relax and enjoy myself instead of thinking about everything else I should be doing.
4. I can have a social life.
5.I will be in California very soon.
Speaking of California, apart from being a nanny for my adorable baby cousin, I have big plans. I will probably meet Robert Pattinson on the street outside of a small coffee shop and bump into him, spilling his frappachino, or whatever he drinks. Then I will ask him if I can buy him a new one and pretend that I have no idea who he is. We will casually talk about our lives over coffee and he will find me refreshing because I don’t stalk him or worship him because he plays Edward from Twilight. Then we will fall in love and I will laugh at all the people who said it would never happen. I will be on his arm at the premiers of all his movies, while millions of pre-pubescent girls ask him to sign their retainers and scream, “bite me!”
Ok, so that will probably never happen, which is fine because Robert Pattinson appearantly doesn’t shower and is on drugs???
This is off topic, but very funny. I was sitting in the campus mall the other day enjoying lunch with my friend Steph when, from a distance, I heard someone call my name. I looked to see that it was my friend Jacob. I waved and then he shouted, “has your rash cleared up yet?” About twelve people stopped eating their lunch and stared at me, while Jacob roared with laughter. I thought it would be humorous to elaborate on the rash rumor, but then I remembered that people were eating and might have thought Jacob was serious. So, I finished my lunch and laughed at my own jokes.

and that’s pretty much it…

I wish I could say that I have recently been too deeply involved in my social life to post on this blog, but it is untrue. I pretty much finished my last project for school a week ago and I have one final to study for. It’s strange to drastically alter lifestyles from being overwhelmingly busy to playing text twist online for hours to pass the time. I suppose I could’ve been doing more productive things, but I find it so much easier to stare at the television and eat handfuls of special k cereal (I’m trying to eat healthier).

I am proud to say that I have worked out every day for the past two weeks. I have found that it eases stress and helps me sleep better at night. I have also found that my heart rate breaches 200 beats/min when I am on the elliptical machine…is that bad? I have always preferred running outside on a trail somewhere to sweating bullets in a gym and being surrounded by others who can hear my painfully heavy breathing. I hate running on treadmills; I feel incredibly unaccomplished after not really going anywhere and unsuccessfully trying to distract myself with a book or magazine only to note that a minute has passed on the digital control panel. Anyways…it’s been really nice outside lately so I decided to take a jog to Carson Park. I get terrible shin splints from running on the cement so I decided to run alongside the sidewalk on the grass. I don’t do this anymore. On my way to Carson Park I twisted my ankle in a pothole covered by leaves. I fell on my face in front of a lovely Victorian home that was fortunately unoccupied. I quickly picked myself up and limped away. I tried running again after a few blocks, but I ended up walking home in shame.

On a completely unrelated note, I went with a group of students to South Carolina over spring break to work in a middle school and we had to present our findings at the Diversity Expo on Thursday. There was a vast array of projects from other classes, so it was encouraged to look at other group’s research. I wandered past the endless rows of poster boards pretending to be interested, when I stopped to see that some girl had brought her pet to school. Hanging from her pointer finger by its tail was a small flying squirrel. His eyes bulged out of his head as he scurried up her arm and into her flannel purse. She explained that the purse is flannel so that he can easily claw his way in and out, and so that he can smell her through the fabric to know he’s safe. She added that she was picking up his sister that weekend...I suppose she’ll need a bigger purse. She asked me if I wanted to pet him and I couldn’t help but laugh. First of all, I would never touch a squirrel because they are gross and have sharp claws. Second of all, I think squirrels should live in trees, not purses. She also said that she has an 8X5 ft. metal cage in her apartment that allows her furry friend to glide freely. I don’t even think my room is that big! Imagine how terrifying and annoying it would be to hear tiny squeaks followed by metal clanging all night long, as winged rodents soar beside your bed. Three things went through my mind as I headed for the refreshments table…
1.Why would you ever want a flying squirrel as a pet?
2.Why would you ever bring your pet flying squirrel to a University research presentation?
3.Why would you keep your pet flying squirrel in a flannel purse when people are constantly pushing through narrow, crowded rows of tables and could accidentally squash your hidden rodent?
Long story short, keep your squirrels at home, and preferably nowhere near me.

And that’s pretty much it…

Gross!

I think there are more concerning things in this world than the dreaded Swine flu. It will probably blow over like SARS or Avian Flu.
My sister recently told me of something much more disturbing. For those of you who don't attend the lovely UWEC, there is a small normally forgotten dorm on the edge of campus called Murray. I have never actually been inside Murray, and now there is no way I ever will. There was a bad case of Scabies (Skay-bees) that infested the beds of Murray. Appearantly, Scabies is a type of bed bug that burrows into your skin and causes itchy rashes! G-R-O-S-S! Not only is Scabies possibly the most disgusting word ever, but I would much rather have the flu than tiny bugs eating through my skin.

and that's pretty much it...

Plans and Pirates

Metacognatively speaking, I think that I think too much about the future. I have always been a worry wart and a planner. Worry wart is a gross term. Anyways, there have been numberous times in my life where I thought something was going to happen a certain way and it ended up being a complete disaster. For example, when I was six my family and I moved to Appleton, WI where I started first grade. I thought it would be a good idea for me to go to school dressed as a pirate. I swept my hair back into a tight ponytail like a man, slipped on my billowy white shirt with ruffled sleeves, and pulled on my black pants and boots. I was ready. In my first grade mind I thought three things.
1. I look cool in this outfit.
2. People will think my outfit is cool.
3. I love pirates.
Unfortunately, I didn't plan to miss the bus and have to run in my clunky boots to the next stop. I didn't plan to cry at reading time when no one wanted to sit next to the pirate. I didn't plan to walk around the playground by myself for recess and watch the other kids make friends. I didn't plan to have the worst day of my life (up to that day anyways).
I didn't plan any of those things and because my plans didn't work out, I was dissappointed. I felt cheated and hurt. I couldn't understand why I didn't have the most perfect first day of school ever. Sometimes things don't go the way we plan and we don't understand why.
This happens to me quite often, not getting teased for wearing pirate outfits, but getting dissappointed and having my plans not work out. This has been a difficult thing for me to surrender to the Lord because I always want to figure everything out. I have learned that sometimes you don't see the reason behind what happened until much later, which is also maddening becasue I'm extremely impatient. It's so hard for me to daily surrender my life, my plans, and my dreams to the Lord. I think it's partially becasue I want to believe I have some control over my life and also because I'm scared that what I want isn't what He wants for me.
I have wanted to be a mom since I was 5. I have trouble giving this over to the Lord becasue I'm afraid He doesn't have this in His plan for me. I know it's silly to fear the plans of God because they are ultimately way more incredible than anything I could possibly dream up. My feeble mind can't possibly comprehend how amazing God is and how intricately his plan fits together. My life is like a single thread in God's tapestry. All I see are the knots, twists, and complicated stitches underneath, while God sees the grand design; perfectly woven together in an extraordinary masterpiece.
These verses are always encouraging to me:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." 3:5-6
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
It's good to have dreams and plans and desires, but we must trust that God's plan is best and that He is in control.

and that's pretty much it...

Katherine

So, as some of you know, my cousin Katherine (married into the family) had a stroke last year. She has made remarkable steps in her recovery and the Lord definitely has his hand over her. So many people are praying for Katherine's complete recovery and we know that anything is possible with the Lord. She has already started to be able to swallow soft foods, talk, and walk with help. The muscles in the left side of her face have atrophied so she just recently went through a 13 hour surgery that hopefully God will use to completely restore the movement in her face. She still won't be able to feel anything on her face but it will help her speak more clearly and hopefully smile again.
This summer I will be working for Katherine and Jason in L.A. California. I will basically be serving them in any way that they need. Katherine had a son named James about a year and a half ago and I will also help take care of him. P.S. he is the cutest baby in the world and that isn't up for discussion. Jason will be studying this summer to pass his bar exam which is very intense, so he needs someone to be there for Katherine and James full time. Not only do I feel honored to be able to work with this incredible family, but I feel incredibly blessed as well. Katherine has the most amazing spirit. She is still so strong despite everything that has happened to her, and her faith is even stronger.
So many of us take life for granted. I know I do. I sometimes wish the time away so I didn't have to still be in school, or still have to do this paper, or still have to go to this meeting. I narrow my focus to what I have to do that I forget what I have. I am so blessed and it's easy to get caught up in everyday life. I don't often stop to thank God that I can walk or that I can eat. I hardly think about those things.
It's like when a light is on inside of a house at night. If you walk by the house you can see inside, but the person inside can't see out. I so often turn the light on inside that I can't see anything beyond myself. It's so hard to turn the light off, but when I do it's so much easier to see.

and that's pretty much it...

Oh Middle School...

So for the past 8 weeks, I've been mentoring a group of middle schoolers and they read their final pieces last night at the University. 4 of my 7 kids showed up. I was told that one of my students' excuses for not being there was that his mother broke her arm last week and she had to go get her cast during the presentation. I hope she's ok...

Speaking of writing this is pretty funny...
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays in order to have them published and sent out for the amusement of other teachers across the country. Recent winners:

1. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

2. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

3. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

5. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

6. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

7. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

8. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,this plan just might work.

9. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like" Second Tall Man."

and thats pretty much it...

The Ant

Like I've mentioned before, I sorta over think things. It's difficult for me to trust what I don't understand. I constantly question everything and I'm not quite sure how to turn off my brain. Before I can fall asleep, I literally have to repeat the word "sleep" over and over in my head, otherwise I suffer from insomnia. With all that being said, I've been struggling with trusting the Lord because I can't possibly understand everything that He is. I want to conceptualize Him and put Him away in a little box among the rows of shelving in my brain. But God can't fit in a box and I hate that I want to limit my understanding of Him and tie it up with a bow. I'm constantly learning new things about the Lord, which is overwhelming and exciting, but I'm also learning more things about this world. Sometimes I wish my brain could digress to a time where everything was new and simple. Where you could find an adventure under your bed or in your backyard. I miss that child-like joy and understanding of the world, where everything was beautiful. Maybe I focus too much on the destruction and deterioration of this world and the people who live in it. Maybe I focus too much on myself. Actually, I know I do.

All of this started becoming overwhelming to me the other day and my nerve endings were frayed. I decided to take a nap outside in the sun with my roomie. While my pale white skin was blanketed by the sun, I saw a single ant struggling to climb up a blade of grass. My first reaction was, I hope I'm not laying on his family. My second thoughts focused on how small he was compared to the blade of grass. Then I stared thinking more deeply about it. This ant doesn't know anything outside of his world. He just does his job of collecting food or whatever and joins his fellow colony members in their hill. He doesn't understand that there is greater life beyond him or that towns, cities, states, countries, continents, oceans, and planets exist. He couldn't possibly understand the vastness of our planet or our universe. All he knows is his little ant hill.

I realized we are so much like little ants. We can't possibly understand the things we can't and don't know. There is a huge world beyond us and a huge God that rules over it all. Just because that ant doesn't know that I exist doesn't mean I don't. Just because I don't understand what is beyond this world doesn't mean it can't possibly exist. I now find rest in knowing that I fit in the palm of God's hand and that He knows everything even though I can't. My world was reduced to the size of a pin-head and the view is far more beautiful.

and that's pretty much it...