The Ant

Like I've mentioned before, I sorta over think things. It's difficult for me to trust what I don't understand. I constantly question everything and I'm not quite sure how to turn off my brain. Before I can fall asleep, I literally have to repeat the word "sleep" over and over in my head, otherwise I suffer from insomnia. With all that being said, I've been struggling with trusting the Lord because I can't possibly understand everything that He is. I want to conceptualize Him and put Him away in a little box among the rows of shelving in my brain. But God can't fit in a box and I hate that I want to limit my understanding of Him and tie it up with a bow. I'm constantly learning new things about the Lord, which is overwhelming and exciting, but I'm also learning more things about this world. Sometimes I wish my brain could digress to a time where everything was new and simple. Where you could find an adventure under your bed or in your backyard. I miss that child-like joy and understanding of the world, where everything was beautiful. Maybe I focus too much on the destruction and deterioration of this world and the people who live in it. Maybe I focus too much on myself. Actually, I know I do.

All of this started becoming overwhelming to me the other day and my nerve endings were frayed. I decided to take a nap outside in the sun with my roomie. While my pale white skin was blanketed by the sun, I saw a single ant struggling to climb up a blade of grass. My first reaction was, I hope I'm not laying on his family. My second thoughts focused on how small he was compared to the blade of grass. Then I stared thinking more deeply about it. This ant doesn't know anything outside of his world. He just does his job of collecting food or whatever and joins his fellow colony members in their hill. He doesn't understand that there is greater life beyond him or that towns, cities, states, countries, continents, oceans, and planets exist. He couldn't possibly understand the vastness of our planet or our universe. All he knows is his little ant hill.

I realized we are so much like little ants. We can't possibly understand the things we can't and don't know. There is a huge world beyond us and a huge God that rules over it all. Just because that ant doesn't know that I exist doesn't mean I don't. Just because I don't understand what is beyond this world doesn't mean it can't possibly exist. I now find rest in knowing that I fit in the palm of God's hand and that He knows everything even though I can't. My world was reduced to the size of a pin-head and the view is far more beautiful.

and that's pretty much it...